History, Stories and breaking the cycle of Violence.

I have been trying to gather all these memories in my head from my younger days but it has turned out much more difficult than I thought it would be. I know so little about my Father’s childhood and remember perhaps less of my own. I have often wondered what my Father was like as a kid. I am sure it was not easy for him. He grew up during a time when eight year olds worked in cotton fields as well as peanuts fields.
It was a time of wars and blind follower. Poverty was at a all time high and jobs were at a all time low.
From what I can understand as well as remember…my Father was force to drop out of school when he was in the 4th or 5th grade in order to help support his three younger Brothers and two Sisters. Now I am not sure what sort of house they lived in or where but I am pretty sure living conditions were not suitable for a family this big. I do know they did not have plumbing but they had a deep water well outside and a out door toilet. I also remember my Father talking about the tin roof that had and how he hated how loud the rain sounded tapping on the tin. I guess the sound of the rain on the tin was a reminder of how hard life was for him and his brothers and sisters.
My Father never talked much about his childhood or his Father but some stories about his childhood seemed to become legendaries among those within the small town where he grew up. One short story I do recall was when his Father grab him by one foot and dangled him over the deep water well. Now I heard two different versions of this story. One was he dangled him over the well for the purpose of a joke while drinking moonshine. I swear I am not kidding…moonshine!
The second story was my Father had done something wrong and his Father was dangling him over the well for the purpose of punishment.
Either way…it was something that was forever burned in my Father’s mind.
I also heard that if my Father got into a fight and lost the fight… his Father would beat him severely for losing the fight. It was all one big test for my Father and his brothers and sisters. I also heard of stories of sexual abuse and stories of violent acts against the two sisters.
Again…I know very little about the truth behind my Father’s life as a child but I do know for a fact who he was as a adult. I am trying to paint this picture of him so you (as well as myself) will understand what he went through to make him become the monster he became.
I have heard so many times from people saying “Just because your family was fucked up does not mean you have to be.” I have to agree to a point with that comment. You can’t let the past rule the rest of your life. But like or not it is apart of who you are. How you deal with the past is more important.
I have also heard this peachy comment before as well…” People who were raise in a violent home will become violent as well.” That seals the fate of a lot of survivors. It’s like saying “you have no hope”. I disagree with this insane, narrow minded, uneducated and heartless remark. Perhaps that comment would be true in a more less evolved period but it is not true anymore. I firmly believe no matter what you have faced in the past or what you will face in the future…you can make it through without losing your humanity. I know my Father lost his humanity but it does not mean I have to lose mine.

Allen aka GFB.

If you are having a hard time following me as I write all this shit…please forgive me. As I have said before I tend to drift a lot while writing so please bare with me.
Thanks.