It takes a lot of work just to chill OUT!

Its about four am and all is quiet except for the sound of the central air and the grandfather clock ticking in the living room. I have not started the coffee maker yet and I am feeling a little restless. Dale and I will be heading out to Okalahoma City next week for M.C.A. This is a Gay event held at the Habanna Inn for 3 days. Dale has been a few times but I have never been. I know a few of my online friends will be attending as well as friends I know in the so called “real world.” I am looking forward to getting away and spending time with Dale and with hope after out 15 hour drive neither one of us will do bodily harm to the other! Just kidding. We enjoy the long drives. We like to talk about pretty much anything and we both are music fans so after packing on about 40 GB of tunes on the old Ipod…we should be set. More than likely (in order to save time) we will be bringing snacks and drink for the road. Anytime we go on any trips, I always have this habit of taking everything but the house so I am trying to ease up on bringing too much stuff. This is not as easy as it sounds.
Once I get everything together…BAM! The car is filled!
Happens every time. I already know I will be packing the coffee maker, coffee beans, bean grinder, creamer for Dale’s coffee, sugar, coffee mugs, box fan, cords to plug all this shit up, camera and recharge cord, laptop computer/cords, cell phone chargers plus snacks and other food items. Oh yes…our luggage of cloths, shoes, pool stuff, and all our bathroom accessories.
This is just the crap I will be taking…this does not include any extra thing or things Dale wants to bring as well. Wow…what the fuck is wrong with us?
So anyway… this trip should be fun and relaxing. It will be nice to meet the guys I have chatted with for a long time and who knows…I might meet some new friends too. I am not a huge social person like I once was back in my younger days but I am hoping I will be more social than I normally am. Dale and I will be leaving on the 24th and then be back home the 29th. That is if I remember the dates correctly. Well I think I am about ready for my coffee and to start my day. I have a ton of stuff to do before the weekend. I want us to be rested good before we hit the road for this long trip. I will tell you guys all about the trip when we get back. I know…”OH JOY!”
Then soon after I will return to my sad little story about my life as a kid and all the neat fun I use to have.
Take care all!
Allen aka GaFatBoy

History, Stories and breaking the cycle of Violence.

I have been trying to gather all these memories in my head from my younger days but it has turned out much more difficult than I thought it would be. I know so little about my Father’s childhood and remember perhaps less of my own. I have often wondered what my Father was like as a kid. I am sure it was not easy for him. He grew up during a time when eight year olds worked in cotton fields as well as peanuts fields.
It was a time of wars and blind follower. Poverty was at a all time high and jobs were at a all time low.
From what I can understand as well as remember…my Father was force to drop out of school when he was in the 4th or 5th grade in order to help support his three younger Brothers and two Sisters. Now I am not sure what sort of house they lived in or where but I am pretty sure living conditions were not suitable for a family this big. I do know they did not have plumbing but they had a deep water well outside and a out door toilet. I also remember my Father talking about the tin roof that had and how he hated how loud the rain sounded tapping on the tin. I guess the sound of the rain on the tin was a reminder of how hard life was for him and his brothers and sisters.
My Father never talked much about his childhood or his Father but some stories about his childhood seemed to become legendaries among those within the small town where he grew up. One short story I do recall was when his Father grab him by one foot and dangled him over the deep water well. Now I heard two different versions of this story. One was he dangled him over the well for the purpose of a joke while drinking moonshine. I swear I am not kidding…moonshine!
The second story was my Father had done something wrong and his Father was dangling him over the well for the purpose of punishment.
Either way…it was something that was forever burned in my Father’s mind.
I also heard that if my Father got into a fight and lost the fight… his Father would beat him severely for losing the fight. It was all one big test for my Father and his brothers and sisters. I also heard of stories of sexual abuse and stories of violent acts against the two sisters.
Again…I know very little about the truth behind my Father’s life as a child but I do know for a fact who he was as a adult. I am trying to paint this picture of him so you (as well as myself) will understand what he went through to make him become the monster he became.
I have heard so many times from people saying “Just because your family was fucked up does not mean you have to be.” I have to agree to a point with that comment. You can’t let the past rule the rest of your life. But like or not it is apart of who you are. How you deal with the past is more important.
I have also heard this peachy comment before as well…” People who were raise in a violent home will become violent as well.” That seals the fate of a lot of survivors. It’s like saying “you have no hope”. I disagree with this insane, narrow minded, uneducated and heartless remark. Perhaps that comment would be true in a more less evolved period but it is not true anymore. I firmly believe no matter what you have faced in the past or what you will face in the future…you can make it through without losing your humanity. I know my Father lost his humanity but it does not mean I have to lose mine.

Allen aka GFB.

If you are having a hard time following me as I write all this shit…please forgive me. As I have said before I tend to drift a lot while writing so please bare with me.
Thanks.

New Blog...Yay!

Hello one and all,
So...out of pure boredom I have started yet a new Blog.
This Blog will be about what I think and feel about anything and everything.
It will be pretty much pointless and will have no reason or logic at all.
So it will be pretty much like all the other lame blogs I have written over the years. Perhaps this one will be the keeper?
First off I will tell you a little about myself if anyone is truly interested and if not then please leave now....OK now that those people are gone...lets get whiny!
I was born in Savannah Georgia in 1960 on Dec. 1st and my Sister was born 1961
March 31st. We were adopted in 1961 after my Sister was born or so I have been told. My Mother (adopted) was a artist that was married to a complete psycho who treated her like shit and I still can remember the beatings that she had to endure.She was a woman with great talent and heart but she was never allowed to be the artist she was due to the controlling and abusive nature of her husband. My Mother was a lover of music and art. She would buy records then hide them from our so called father so when we went out bowling or whatever he did on Friday nights....she would play these records for my Sister and I and try to teach us how to dance and how to be happy in a world where everything so so dark and violent. She did what she could do to make us feel loved and safe.
As for my Father...well he was a man that had a lot of anger and hate in his life. He never trusted anyone and felt in order for him to be a man he needed to beat on the ones that he was suppose to love and care for.
I know this story isn't anything new or one that has never been told but for me...this is the first time I have ever openly told my story.
Due to the fact that this is a rather long story..I will tell my story in parts. As you can see (or read in this case) I suck at writing so bare with me as we take this journey into my past,my present and my Mindless Mind.
Thanks
Allen aka GaFatBoy